Thursday, October 6, 2011

Why I do what I do

The further I get in my study of music, and coincidentally, the farther I get from the classroom, the more I am realizing my love for music.  I am experiencing more frequent affirmations that I love what I do.  And these reminders aren't casual moments in my day.  They are feelings and pictures and sounds that are imprinted upon my memory.  In fact, as I think back over the past few months, I can bring myself back to these isolated moments, and they are just as clear to me as the day they happened.

"Sarah, you are being entirely too vague"

OK. Let's go back to Aspen, CO.  June 27, 2011.  The AMFS Convocation Ceremony.  All brass players are recruited/required to play the opening fanfare for the ceremony.  Luckily, the chosen piece is a sweet fanfare for brass choir by Strauss.

As we started playing, and the dynamic grew, and I put my horn up next to my friends, and I looked out upon the big, bright tent in Aspen, Colorado, I felt an overwhelmingly warm sense of happiness.  Content.  I almost cried.  I was in the place I loved, doing what I love, and playing some of the best music in the world with some great musicians and people.  I have a perfect picture of it in my mind.

It's the same feeling I got in Cadets when we all worked our hardest and played great music together.  Or when my relay swim team worked together to beat the school record.  I was doing what I really loved with great people.

In speaking with a stressed music student this week, I recommended that she find this in her own life.  I trusted that she was in music for a reason, and perhaps it would calm her down if she reconnected with her passion for music.  As an example, I recollected a time during my junior year at Ithaca College when I fell in love with Hellen Grimaud's recording of Beethoven's 4th piano concerto.  I listened to that recording all the time!! And I told the student how I began to live that music.  I knew it so well that I could breathe it in and feel it.  I learned the final movement and played it for a competition.  As I told her about it, I got chills.  I am getting chills right now.  I love that music so much.  I hope she found a way to connect herself with the music that she loves.

Today at BSU we heard from a panel of four alumni who shared with us their varied career paths.  One of them was responding to the question, "How do you relieve stress?" He referenced the same thing-the music.  Music as a stress reliever.  Because we love it, right?  I don't know if I would say that I use it to calm my nerves, but when I hear or play good music that I love-Bach, Mahler, Brahms, etc.-I can't think of anything else.  As he talked about this effect, I got chills again.  Nearly tears.  I do love music.  I am doing the right thing with my life.  And that makes me really happy.

The funny thing is that I have been noticing moments like this more and more often lately.  I don't know if I didn't notice it before because I was so intensely involved in my studies, or maybe because I wasn't smart enough to recognize really great music, who knows.  But it's happening now.  If this is the gift of education, I don't regret a penny of those student loans that I borrowed.  I am getting the feeling that my education and experiences are enriching my life much more noticeably and at an accelerating rate-and I'm only in my 20's! I can't imagine what is in store for me down the road.

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